Written In Blood (and Tears!)

One person's climb to (hopefully!) the world of the published novelist…the trials and tribulations of parenthood..and whatever else pops into my head at any given moment!

Archive for the tag “hormonally yours”

21 weeks and 1 day

Dominic @ 19 weeks

Hi again everyone!

Well here we are on Boxing Day! I’ve just about recovered from the excitement of yesterday, and hope that you’ve all had a wonderful Christmas with your friends and families.

I have some very exciting news!! I’m having a BOY! Finally, after 15 years of parenting girls I’ll get to do something different!! Hubby is of course absolutely thrilled, as am I. The kids…well, we’ve had some mixed reactions to the news. My youngest is so excited she can barely contain herself, my oldest is also pretty happy about it as is my 9 year old tomboy who is thrilled she’ll actually get to do boy stuff.

We had our morphology scan at 19 weeks 5 days. As well as the very exciting news that he has “boy bits” we’re happy to announce that everything looks perfect. He’s growing beautifully and everything is in the right place. His brain, heart and spine all look great and there are no issues. Thank God for that.

I’m getting HUGE. Honestly. I feel like the back end of a bus right now, and only going to get bigger. Oh well, such is life. I’m super excited about my changing body and I’m not in the least bit stressed over the stretch marks or the extra cellulite that seems to have just appeared on my ass for no apparent reason. I don’t care. I’m growing a new life inside me, and that is pretty phenominal.

Dominic (aka Squishy) is moving around a lot now. He seems to enjoy using my bladder as a trampoline. How strange. The girls never did that,or at least, I don’t remember them doing so. In any case as much as having a foot in my bladder hurts, it’s a lovely reminder that he is doing well and is happy and secure in there.

We’ve done all the shopping for the big stuff. I got rid of everything after Miss 6 grew out of it all simply because I never even imagined having another baby. Oops. So, we now have the cot, bassinet, pram and car seat, one bedding set and a few other bits and pieces. Now that we know he’s definitely a boy, we bought him one new outfit which is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!  So now I get to write up the huge list of other stuff that he needs, and will start collecting it week by week so that we’re totally prepared for when he comes along, which by the way will be by C-Section on May 2nd. I don’t particularly want to have yet another section, but thanks to a nice T-shaped scar on my uterus caused by Miss 9’s emergency c-section, I don’t have a choice. *Sigh* Still, at least knowing exactly when he’s coming makes it a lot easier to organise the girls. No late night frantic calls to my mother, no dreaded wait for an overdue labour, nothing. I guess it does have its advantages!

Physically I’m doing GREAT. No morning sickness and a lot more energy, although I do tire a little more easily than when I’m in a non-pregnant state.  The only real complaints I have right now are the headaches, the sudden blood pressure crashes, killer heartburn and the ligament pain. At least they’re not constant. That would drive me insane.

Emotionally, I’m still a little fragile. I cry at everything. Seriously! I’ve always been one to cry easily but this is ridiculous! Work stuff has made me totally crazy, but that’s a whole different story. I’m in a bit of a panic worrying about how the hell we’re going to make this work financially when I’ve been dropped down to part time at work, but hey, we’ve been through worse, and we will succeed. More time with family will make me a much more pleasant person anyway!

That’s it for this week!

Hormonally Yours,

Jacqui

xox

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18 weeks 1 day

Here we are at week 18!!! Squishy has decided that moving around is a good thing, which of course is a fantastic thing for me too. Naturally though, this has only served to increase my anxiety some days when I don’t feel him/her move!! The joys of parenthood, hey?

Physically, I’m feeling a lot better. Morning sickness has subsided dramatically, and only hits occasionally, like this morning when I was brushing my teeth. Odd. The dreaded heartburn has started up again, although it’s bearable at this point. I’m not looking forward to the third trimester when I’m going to have to sleep practically sitting up because the heartburn’s so bad. So for now the occasional bout is manageable.

Emotionally I’m an absolute wreck. I’m having issues at work, which are probably not the most appropriate things to discuss here, but let’s just say it sucks and I hate it. The added stress of having to go part time after Christmas, when we’re already struggling a bit financially isn’t doing my stress levels any good. Oh well. Such is life, and all will be OK in the end…..I hope!!

I am booked in for my morphology scan on the 16th December. By that time, I’ll be a couple of days shy of 20 weeks so we’re hoping that we’ll find out whether we’re team pink or blue. Please send out lots of blue vibes!!!!

At my last obstetrician and midwife appointment, they took blood to screen for Down’s Syndrome, and said that if they came back with a high chance, they’d call me in straight away. No such phone call has been made, so I’m hopeful that all is OK there. We’ll know more after the scan.

That’s it for this week, I’ll update after the scan and will hopefully have photos uploaded to show you 🙂

Hormonally Yours,

Jacqui

xx

15 weeks and 2 days…or…mixed emotions

Today was a bit of a milestone, as I attended my first antenatal appointment with the obstetrician and midwives at RDH. Wow. What a couple of hours THAT was!

First of all, they lost my GP referral. It had mysteriously disappeared into a paperwork void, and to get it back, the poor receptionist had to call my doctor to get them to fax it through, who apparently didn’t make this task any easier by giving her the “but i have so much else to do!” speech. Eventually, it did show up and i was allowed to have my appointment as planned.

Enter my lovely midwife, or one of them anyway. In 15 years of having kids at RDH, she was the FIRST one to ask me if I’d had trouble breastfeeding and if so, would I like to see their lactation consultant. Duh, silly question! YES! Maybe, just maybe, this last baby will be the one who’ll take to breastfeeding so I don’t have to go through the “why does she HATE me so much!!!” rollercoaster. Yay!

The usual checks were done; height (152 cm. Apparently I’ve grown two centimetres when i wasn’t looking!) weight (please don’t ask, although I’m losing weight again. This could be a good thing!). Blood pressure (relatively normal but I can’t remember what the figure was right now. I’m blaming placenta brain). Do I drink? Nope. Smoke? Ohhhhh that dreaded question. I answered truthfully and am now waiting for a call from the Quit people who will apparently help me to stop smoking altogether. I’m doing well and have managed to cut down significantly, but would like to stop. My midwife’s exact words were, “It’s ok. You have time.” God bless her. I do love a midwife who wants to help, and not nag. nagging makes me want to punch them in the nose.

Next up, the obstetrician, a lovely lady who I took an immediate liking to. I’ll be seeing her again, hopefully!
She ran through all my previous notes and such things, wrote out referrals for more blood tests, the screening test for Down’s Syndrome (both of which I had today), and my morphology scan. We had a quick chat about my previous births and was told “we wouldn’t allow you to have anything BUT a c-section.” Apparently the emergency c-section incision that I had when Emily was born extended so far, well.. south (to put it nicely) that there’s no way I’ll be able to deliver naturally again. I’m having a few mixed feelings about this.

1. Prepared: I knew that this was going to happen. I didn’t know exactly how badly Emily’s section had been messed up but according to my obstetrician who looked after my last pregnancy, it was bad enough for him to put “natural delivery’ and ‘bleed to death’ in the same sentence, hence the elective c-section that I had with Natalie. I’d just assumed it would be the case with this baby too. I was right. Today, I found out exactly how bad it was. Oh. My. God.  It’s no wonder I was on the table for as long as I was. WOW.  I’d like to avoid that this time, please.

2. Disappointed: Despite being totally mentally prepared for the c-section conversation, I’m still feeling a little disappointed. Not for me so much, I’ve done the natural delivery thing twice already, but for hubby. He has never witnessed such an amazing event as a natural birth. I sort of feel like I’ve robbed him of that experience.

3. Relieved: I don’t like pain. I don’t like labour pain at ALL. Saying that, I delivered Chelsea without drugs or anything. Still hurt like a son of a bitch though.

4. Fearful: I know there’s nothing to be scared of. This will be my 3rd section and I know exactly what’s in store. I know about the spinal anaesthetic, the drips, the drapes, the ridiculous amount of people in the room.  I know how cold the anaesthetist and surgeon’s hands will be and how soothing I find that. I know how weird it feels to suddenly lose sensation from your chest downwards.  I know exactly when to ask my anaesthetist for drugs to stop me throwing up. I know how odd it is to lie on that table, staring up at those HUGE lights thinking, “any minute now and I’ll hear her cry.” I know the tugging and pulling sensations I’ll feel.  I know how cold I’ll be after surgery and how much I’ll want that “straight out of the warmer” blanket that I love so much. I don’t know why I’m so scared.

5. Sad: I also know that I won’t be able to hold the baby immediately after birth. I know that skin to skin contact with her/him will be practically impossible without a LOT of help. Remind me to ask my doctor about that…maybe there’s a way. I also know that breastfeeding on an operating table is not always the best idea.

6. Optimistic: One MAJOR upside to this is that I’ll know EXACTLY when the baby is going to make his/her arrival into the world. This means I can go grocery shopping with the family and make sure they have everything they need. I can be 100% ready to go on the day of the surgery without worrying that I’ve forgotten to pack something essential like underwear. Don’t laugh, it happens! I also won’t have to call my Mom at some insane time of the night to come and pick up the girls. I guess a planned c-section isn’t all THAT bad. I’d rather deliver naturally and preferably without drugs. But, if I could bleed to death, what’s the point? At the end of it, I’ll have a lovely baby either way; that’s what’s important.

I have to see my midwife again in about 5 weeks. Problem is, when I went to make the appointment, the poor receptionsist (again) said that she couldn’t book it yet because they don’t have their calendars up yet for December. I’m convinced the girl is going to have to go on stress leave soon! I assured her that it was OK, and that I’d call after I’d had my scan to make the second appointment. She was undoubtedly relieved!

I’m also really tired of saying he/she all the damn time. We’ve nicknamed the baby Squishy so from now on that’s what I’ll use until such times as we find out the gender. I have my morphology scan booked for the 16th December, so we’ll find out then IF Squishy’s in the right position and wants to tell us!

My arm hurts from today’s blood tests, but other than that, I feel fine. I’m over the cold that really knocked me down last week, and am feeling FAR more human. I’m still sooo tired, but am hoping that the energy levels will pick back up soon. I’m not as nauseated although I did have a moment this morning when I felt a little woozy and sick. It’s passed now, probably because I’ve eaten. *Note to self: Do not allow yourself to get hungry!*

I’ve been feeling movement for the past week or so too. It’s tiny but it’s definitely there. Amazing. Fifteen short weeks ago there was a clump of cells growing inside me. Now Squishy is a tiny, perfect human being, no bigger than my hand. Five pregnancies and I still can’t get over how incredible this journey is.

Hormonally Yours,

Jacqui

14 weeks and 3 days…or…blurgh!

Hey all,

It’s been a couple of weeks since I posted anything for my Hormonally Yours series, and I apologise. NaNoWriMo has pretty much sucked all of my time and energy out of me.

As far as the pregnancy is concerned, I do believe all is going well. I FINALLY got an appointment with the hospital midwife clinic, but it’s not until November 15th, so I’ll have more details for you then.

Today hasn’t been a good day. Although the normal early pregnancy symptoms have pretty much disappeared (YAY for not throwing up!) my darling hubby decided to share his cold wth me. I have a fever, runny nose, headache…the lot. Oh the joy. I don’t know what it is, but being pregnant seems to make a regular cold feel like I’m dying of some rare and exotic monkey disease!  Also, my back and hips are already starting to hurt and I keep getting the most AGONISING round ligament pain in my pelvis. Freaking OUCH.

People keep staring at my tummy. I just know they’re doing that, “Is she pregnant or just getting like, really fat?” thing. Bless them for being too polite to ask! The kids are all getting super excited, which is awesome. Of course they’re all still praying for a boy. How the heck do you tell a six year old that you can’t CHOOSE which one you get? Oh well.

Checked out some baby clothes today. They really have improved on the baby boy clothes since I had the girls. It was always the way that there was aisles and aisles of girl clothes and nothing for boys. It’s good to see that they’re leveling the playing field a little nowadays. Now let’s just hope that we get to actually shop in the boys aisles for a change! OMG you wouldn’t believe how totally adorable, or “Pimp!!!” as my hubby would say, they are! Fingers crossed.

I also discovered that not only won’t I be wearing heels for the next six months, I can’t wear my beloved gladiator sandals because my freaking ankles have swollen up so much! Not a good look. Instead, I’m looking at wearing ever so cute flip flop type things. That’s ok, I suppose. I don’t mind them that much but OH how I miss my sandals. On top of that, it seems that those who design maternity pants think that we’re all 6ft tall. So, not only am I wearing flip flops for the rest of the pregnancy, it looks like I’ll be wearing bloody leggings for the next 6 months. Oh happy day.

Other than my clothing and shoes woes an the fact that I seem to be in constant pain, I am enjoying the pregnancy so far. It’s always really amazing to take a minute to think about what’s going on inside me as we speak. A new life, another one to love and adore. Pretty exciting stuff.

Until next time,

Hormonally Yours,

Jac

12 weeks, 1 day….or…”Thank God that trimester’s over!!!”

So this week marks the end of the first trimester, or so say all the websites I’ve been reading. This is incredibly good news. I have a history of miscarriage so to make it here without incident is a good thing.

I’m finally starting to feel more human. I’m not throwing up or feeling nauseous now unless I haven’t eaten all day (which i AM trying not to do) and the energy levels are slowly but surely creeping back up. I’m starting to get that little baby bump I’ve been longing to see for the last month. Yay!! Pregnancy is the only time in my life that I actually don’t mind having a tummy. It’s the LOSING the tummy again that’s the hard part! Oh well, such is life.

I’m a lot more relaxed now than I was when I last posted about the pregnancy, I’ve had a few weeks to  get used to the idea. That’s not to say I’m not still concerned about finances etc, I am, but I’m not what I’d call “freaking out” now. We only have a couple more payments to make on the baby stuff we have on lay-by, which is a good feeling, it means we’ll have ALL the big items out of the way and paid for well before my due date (6th May, in case I forgot to mention it before). Then with a bit of luck, we’ll find out whether Squishy is a boy or a girl in a few weeks, and then the shopping REALLY begins (as will the “OMG where am I going to PUT all of this stuff?”). Looking forward to it.

Oh. One more thing. I know last time, I talked about the prenatal care stuff….well unfortunately I still don’t have anything to report. I’m waiting (now rather impatiently) for our hospital to call me and say “Hey, we’ve got an appointment for you!” but so far…..not a damn thing. I’m really not surprised, and they seem to be incapable of answering the phone. I’d like an appointment soon, preferably BEFORE Squishy makes his/her entry into the world. I will hopefully have something more to tell you next time.

Until then,

Hormonally Yours,

Jacqui

9 weeks and 2 days….or…”OMG what have we done?”

This is my fifth pregnancy.

You’d think I’d have a “been there, done this” type of attitude huh? Funnily enough, I don’t. I think maybe I’m more nervous and excited this time than I was with my first. Weird? Not really, if you think about it. My  youngest is six, and this is the largest gap between babies I’ve had so far. I’m also six years older and a scary number of kilograms heavier than I was when the youngest member of the Kipfer tribe made her appearance, so naturally there are some concerns all focused around, “will the baby be OK?” That is also my paranoia speaking. I’m sure bub will be fine, the ultrasound two weeks ago said that everything looked fine, and there’s no point in working myself up over it.

Emotionally, I am exhausted. This baby, although very much wanted, was not  “planned” as such. The reality that we need a new car, lots of baby stuff (stuff we’d had but gotten rid of five years ago) and quite possibly a new house, are prospects that are somewhat scary. Scratch that. Terrifying. However, we have been through worse and will no doubt make it through this, a little worse off financially, but hey…it’s only money, right? Of course, right.

So, I’m obsessing over cash flow (or lack thereof), worried that bub won’t be “normal” and a little more than terrified of how the heck I’m going to juggle 5 kids, a husband and a full time job. Add to that the writing and the jewellery making, and I’m afraid my life is going to crash down around me like a house of cards.

Sigh.

Physically…how am I doing? Oh don’t ask. I have the chest of a Playboy bunny, the skin of a 12 year old (yes the hormones are at it again!) and the waistline of an ever increasing  and expanding blob. Yuck! No “baby bump” as yet, just a whole lot of water retention, gas and bloating. Charming. On the upside, I’m not throwing up. I also don’t feel sick 24 hours a day anymore although there are certain smells and foods that will do it to me every single time. Unfortunately for hubby, this means that he’s back to being the one handling ALL cooking (not that this is much of a change; he’s been the family chef forever) as the mere sight of raw meat sends me straight for the bathroom. That’s not to say I can’t eat it when it’s cooked. I can, and quite easily too, I might add.

That’s the other thing. I’m starving. ALL THE TIME. It never goes away. I can eat a huge meal and 20 minutes later, I’m looking for seconds. My hubby refers to this as my “hobbit stage.” I’m waiting for him to start serving me “second breakfast” every morning.

I’ve been incredibly slack in booking antenatal appointments too. This, I suspect, is simply because this is pregnancy number 5. I know what’s coming. I don’t wish to be poked and prodded, and I especially don’t want to be weighed. Ever.

That said, I do know that good antenatal care is crucial and I do intend to get it. By the time I write my next diary entry, I will have organised my appointment with the hospital antenatal team and will hopefully have something to update you with.

Fingers crossed.

Hormonally Yours,

Jacqui

xx

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